Will Money Arguments Be The End Of Your Relationship?
At least half of couples report fighting about finances & a large percent say it happens more than once a week. Constant arguments about anything can slowly erode a relationship & lead to irreparable damage. When your money styles are vastly different, it's even more important to lay groundwork to set yourselves up for financial health. Here are some guidelines for couples who are intermingling their finances:
Talk early
Don’t wait for the engagement to bring up money. Learn about each other's attitudes, debt, financial history, savings & future goals. There are plenty of strategies for working through differences, but if the gap is too big, it’s better to find out sooner rather than later. Please be honest–the only thing that can make $40K in credit card debt worse is lying about it. The dishonesty will be a deal breaker.
Talk often
Check in periodically to see how everyone is feeling. Make sure your plans & goals are still aligned & working for both of you. A regular conversation can keep resentments from building up.
Clear goals & expectations
The foundation of any financial plan are clear goals & expectations. Clearly defining things like how much you should be saving (and for what purposes), what your budget is for non-essentials & who is paying for what will save you a lot of confusion, arguments & bitterness down the road.
Compromise
Even if your financial values & goals are very similar, you will still have areas where you disagree. Understand that each of you will have to give up a little bit of what you want from time to time to keep the machine running. I would never advocate “keeping score” but definitely be aware of the balance to make sure it doesn’t become a lopsided arrangement.
If you find that you are having difficulty navigating these conversations alone, there is no shame in getting some help. It’s wise & brave to enlist the help of a therapist, legal professional, or money coach to help you figure everything out. It’s an investment in your relationship.
