What to say besides “we can’t afford that”.

There comes a time when your kid asks for something and you say no. There’s a million reasons why–it’s crap, they just don’t need it, you don’t want to overindulge them–the list is endless and valid.

Today, let’s talk about the most common reason–you simply cannot afford it.

Seems like a reasonably straightforward answer when they ask for something, right? “I’m sorry, but we can’t afford that”. However I read something very interesting recently from a (now grown up) whose parents struggled financially when she was a child. Her parents had continually told her “we can’t afford that” and as a result, she had developed a crippling fear of spending money even when she actually needed it and could afford it. While her parents were only trying to be honest, they had inadvertently created anxiety and guilt around their money issues and as a result, their child ended up feeling immense guilt about needing, asking for, or receiving ANYTHING.

So, while it’s totally reasonable and valid to be honest about your ability to afford things, it’s also a good idea to shake things up and frame financial decisions in more diverse ways. Try phrases like:

“We have a budget, and that isn’t how we are choosing to spend our money today”

“That isn’t one of our priorities this month”

“If we buy that, then we will have to eliminate another expense. Would you rather have X or Y”

“That looks like it won’t last long. How about we wait and keep looking for an alternative?”

What other ways do YOU frame the “we can’t afford that” conversation? If that’s a phrase you heard a lot growing up, how has it shaped the way you talk to your own kids about money? Let us know in the comments!